Author: Church of the Nativity

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Glad Tidings

Caring for our Couple Relationship Through Active Listening

Listening is an important communication skill that can create and preserve intimacy. When you really listen, you can understand your partner better. You stay in tune, enjoy the relationship more, without having to attempt to mind read what your partner is thinking or feeling. Listening is a means of resolving a personal dilemma, a couple issue, a way of sharing some important thoughts and feelings. It is a way of connecting; by really listening to each other we gain insight and we learn more about the other person. The one who is speaking gains clarity and feels really cherished through the undivided attention.

According to Webster “to listen” is to hear, to give ear, to hear something with thoughtful attention and consideration. Being attentive is paying maximum mind and body attention, avoiding distractions. “If God had rather us talk than listen, He would have given us two mouths rather than two ears.”

It is not enough to shut your mouth and open your ears. Your brain must also be actively engaged in Listening. Communication is a two-way collaborative process, even when one person is basically doing all the talking. You can’t be thinking of what you are going to say or how you are going to respond. To Actively Listen, you must paraphrase, clarify, and give feedback. Some of the phrases that are helpful:

What I hear you saying…

In other words, …

Let me get this straight…

So, you feel that…

Do you mean…

Would you say…

I remember a time when Carl and I were young parents. Our son was not easy to put to bed and to go to sleep. I came to Carl one night feeling very frustrated and he started to offer some suggestions, to “fix it for me”. (Usually in a partner relationship there is one who readily can see solutions and another who needs to think about it, talk about it until the solution becomes apparent.) I said to him, “Just listen to me and I will come up with a solution.”  He immediately stopped and listened to me and my concerns. I was able to come up with some possible strategies through his listening, clarifying and giving me feedback. By his listening to me, I felt really loved and cared for.

Obviously, there are other times when we will have to take turns listening to each other, putting aside our own feelings and thoughts to be fully present to each other.

Practice your listening skills by taking some time to listen to each other share “I feel really listened to when you ……”

Carl and Nancy Terry

Marriage Mentors

919-559-2827

Nancyterry20@gmail.com

  

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Glad Tidings

Evening Prayer

For the past few years, we’ve been live streaming Evening Prayer on our Facebook page each Wednesday during Lent. This year, since we are unable to worship in person, we thought it would be helpful to continue this practice even now that Lent is over and we are in the season of Easter. I hope you’ll join us.

We will begin at 6:15 pm with an extended organ meditation presented by our organist and choirmaster Jason Pace.  At 6:30, we will join together for the reading of God’s Word and to pray for our community and the world.  At the conclusion of the prayers, Stephanie will give a short homily.  You’re welcome to watch live, or catch up at anytime on our Facebook page.  The links for the text of each week’s liturgy are included in the Thursday email.

I love Evening Prayer and I think you’ll love it, too.  The daily Scripture readings, the passages laid out in the cycle for that day, come alive in new ways because of fleeting context.  What has happened that day, what is on my mind, the worries and burdens I’m carrying all inform my hearing of the Scripture.

For hundreds of years, Anglicans have been raising their voice, praying in communion with those around us, those who came before us, and those who will come after us, using the same (or similar) words.  These ancient prayers remind us that we are part of something larger than ourselves, the body of Christ which is moving through time.

As we move toward the Day of Pentecost in late May, we will join other Anglicans throughout the communion in the way they pray by using some other versions of the Evening Prayer liturgy.  Please  join us. Go to https://www.facebook.com/nativityonline

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From the Clergy

There Was No Plan

After the resurrection, the disciples were huddled together in a locked room. They were afraid to go out. They were afraid of being arrested. They didn’t understand what happened to Jesus. They couldn’t believe what Mary Magdalene had told them. They were sitting tight, with nothing to do except wonder what was going on. They had no idea if this was the “new normal” or what was going to happen next. There was no plan, no strategy, no image board for the new way forward.

Which is pretty incredible if you think about here we are, thousands of years later, celebrating the resurrection and truly feeling the experience of the empty tomb, and sharing some of the same feelings of the disciples, afraid for survival, afraid for what was coming next, afraid that what was normal is never coming back.

Jesus appears to them in the locked room, and things start to change, slowly. There are still those not ready to believe, like Thomas. But somehow, that fearful little group goes on to share the good news of the resurrection with the entire world.

There was no plan, there was simply the next right thing. Jesus appears, eats with them, leaves again. What do they do? The next right thing: tell their dearest friend Thomas who was not there.

Jesus appears to Thomas. What does Thomas do? The next right thing: a declaration of a renewed faith.

Step by step, the next right thing unfolds, until there is the story of the beginning of the church that we read in the book of Acts. Each encounter with Jesus leads to the next right thing, the next step to share the good news of God’s kingdom.

What happens next in the global pandemic? With all the talk about the so-called new normal, no one actually knows. We can certainly try to plan, but maybe right now in the first week of Easter we could take some time to sit with our feelings and simply ask God, what is MY next right thing?

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Glad Tidings

EfM Sales Pitch

“Have you ever thought about joining EfM?”  It was fellowship hour after church, and Carl Sigel and I were chatting in Corlett Hall. I responded “I’m not familiar with it. What is EfM?” 

I don’t remember Carl’s exact words after that, but I left the conversation with my interest piqued. Piqued enough to find myself in class a few months later, with a group of other like-minded souls, who have become dear friends and trusted confidants over the past few years.

EfM stands for Education for Ministry. It is based on the concept that we are all called to minister to each other, friend and stranger, during the course of our daily lives. EfM takes you on a four-year adventure/pilgrimage that includes our Bible (Old and New Testament), theologies, religious history  (both Christian and non-Christian), and books on a wide range of religious and spiritual topics. 

If it sounds like a lot, well, it can be, if you were trying to do it alone. EfM meets as a cohort (class) once a week. You provide your input and insight, and receive lots of input and insight back from your mentors and classmates. If you get overwhelmed one week and don’t cover all the material, it’s ok. Come to class, hear your cohort’s thoughts and opinions (and there will be many), and pick up on the next week’s topics. No tests, no grades, but lots of learning occurs in this program.

In addition to enhancing your personal understanding of religion and faith, the biggest reason I recommend EfM is the fellowship, friendship and love that grow within your cohort. You will bond with your classmates, forging relationships like no other. You will lift them up when they need it, and you will find yourself  lifted up as well. 

If you are interested, contact our EfM mentors, Email Harlan Hagge or Email Anita Kerr. Class starts in the fall; registration will start soon. 

 I don’t use this phrase lightly – EFM is a life-changing event. I hope you will give it a try.

Matt Chytka

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Uncategorized

Lenten Fast into Easter Feast

Alleluia. Christ our Passover is sacrificed for us.

Therefore, let us keep the feast. Alleluia.

Good Friday is one of two designated fast days according to the Book of Common Prayer, the other being Ash Wednesday.

I don’t know about you, but I think I’ve had enough fasting for now. The problem especially being that it was an involuntary fast. Fasting from the bread and wine of communion, fasting from gathering for public worship, fasting from programs and activities, fasting from coffee and conversation with my people. Enough fasting that I didn’t ask for, or intentionally plan.

Perhaps the intentionality of fasting from food on Good Friday is an argument for why fasting might be a good thing to do that particular day. Does it make a difference to choose to fast from something while in the midst of involuntary fasting? What does a fasting of choice, in the midst of feeling like all control has been taken away, feel like?

What a strange couple of days the triduum (Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter) is in “normal” times as we move from the fasting of Lent into the Feast of Good Friday. There is already a spiritual whiplash in the three days as we feast at the Lord’s Supper on Maundy Thursday, remembering Jesus’ meal with his friends and his commandment to love, to the fast and desolation of death on the cross and the loss of Jesus’ presence with us while in the tomb, then back to feast again as we shout “Allelluia The Lord is risen!” on Easter.

This year, we move into the feast of Easter, and yet we still must fast. Still I wonder, isn’t that how we live every day of our lives? We live in the hope of Easter, while we confront the daily suffering and small deaths of being human in this world. We move from moments of fasting, chosen or not, into moments of feasting in the dailyness of our lives. I wonder, do we recognize the feasts when they arrive? How do we continue to feast while we fast?

Although I cannot gather with you in worship right now, you all are in my daily prayers. I keep the directory beside my computer here on my dining room table and turn to a new page each day. Each time I glance down on it, I pray for everyone on that page. I feast on the richness that is our community.

Above my head on my dining room wall hangs all the Christmas cards that you all sent me (yes, I know, they should have come down on Candlemas). Each time I look up and see it, or notice it behind my head while I’m on a zoom call, I smile. I feast on the joy I have through my relationships.

I cannot celebrate the Eucharist with you right now, but each night my family sits down together for dinner. Prior to the pandemic, we might have been able to eat together one or two nights a week. Now, eating together is the rule rather than the exception. I feast on these last moments together as a family before my teenagers fly from the nest.

Therefore, let us keep the feast. We all have different circumstances, different things we might feast upon. As we (finally) enter this Easter season, how will you feast?

Categories
Glad Tidings

Bishop Curry during Holy Week

I think we could all use the good news preached by Bishop Curry this week. Here is a list of places you can find him for the next few days. Note, all of these were filmed here in Raleigh. Bishop Curry is modeling the good social distancing that he has been encouraging all Episcopalians to follow!

Maundy Thursday
Sermon for St. Mary the Virgin, NYC
https://www.stmvirgin.org/videos

Good Friday
Sermon for Church of the Heavenly Rest, NYC
available after noon on Friday
https://www.heavenlyrest.org/good-friday-service

Easter Sunday
The National Cathedral, 11:15 am
https://www.facebook.com/PBMBCurry/

Categories
Glad Tidings

Caring for our Couple Relationship

This is a challenging time for couples and their relationships.  We have been asked to “stay at home.” Unless we are part of the essential workforce, we may both be working from home, or one of us is working from home, or one or both of us have been furloughed or doesn’t have a job. If we have children, they are home and our job as parents has increased and is demanding. We may have parents, relatives, or friends that we are concerned about getting the COVID-19 virus.

We would like to share with you our thoughts about what you can do as a couple to focus on the opportunities that you have to maintain and strengthen your relationship. Communication and fun are two important things to remember.

A good tool for communication is to do a daily check in. Not just about things that must be done, but also about our feelings.  “I am feeling scared”.  “I am feeling overwhelmed.”   An important part of that check-in is to ask, “How can I express my love for you today?”  Maybe you are not able with children and/or jobs to do this daily, but once a week at least would be good.   You can find a private time to share, but don’t worry if the children hear you.  You are setting a good model for them.

Don’t forget to have fun and enjoy each other.  Set aside a Date Night, a special time to be close and focus on each other.  Some couples have reported that they dress up as if they were going out, set a special table, either cook or order a special meal. You can take turns planning the date or you can plan together. During the meal, focus the conversation on each other. Laugh, smile, share good memories of your relationship.  You can also leave Love Notes for them to find.  You can be brief: “I love you.” Or “ I care for you.” Etc.  Consider Physical touch, not only sexual intimacy, but a hug, a brief touch, holding hands, a back rub, or a foot massage.  As a couple living together. we can continue to be physically close which is so important to our well-being.

Carl and Nancy Terry

Marriage Mentors 

Nancyterry20@gmail.com

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From the Clergy

Order of Operations

Nativity From Above

As we move through the first week of the “stay-at-home” order for both Wake County and North Carolina, I want to fill you in on how we are proceeding with operations at Nativity.

Care of the Buildings

Robert continues to clean the buildings several nights a week. All surfaces are being wiped down carefully. Jr. Warden Rene Garces is doing a walk-through of the buildings and campus almost daily, checking on things. Rene has mowed the grass recently, and a few volunteers have been coming by to do some weeding and tending the flower beds. In addition to installing a new locked mailbox, Rene checks the mail daily and brings it to the office.

Accounting

The Counters’ Ministry will be in every other Tuesday to process and deposit any funds that arrive in the mail. Our bookkeeper, Phil, is in the office every Wednesday morning to pay bills, process pledge information, and maintain the accounting reports. Hand-sanitizers, Clorox wipes and gloves are available for anyone who comes into the building to do this work.

Composting

Compost Now continues to do a weekly pickup of our compost. Since we are not able to use the buildings as we usually do, our compost output has decreased. You are welcome to bring your compost and drop it off in the Compost Now bin located in the parking lot. Note, do not put plastic bags in the compost bin unless they are specifically marked “compostable.” Regular plastic bags will twist up the compost machinery and we will be fined!

Community Groups

All groups who rent space from us are on hold for the time being, following the stay-at-home directive. The Kinder Garden preschool and the Bulgarian Cultural Center are following Wake County Schools’ timeline for reopening. When the stay-at-home rules are lifted, we will be in touch with the other groups to resume their meeting times.

Nativity Garden

The garden will continue to grow, thus the gardeners should be able to continue as usual.

The Staff

Our staff continues their work in ministry, even though that is looking very different than it did even a few weeks ago.

Kathryn has created opportunities for our parents to meet with one another online on Sundays and Wednesdays. She jumped into action, creating unique gatherings for our younger children, our middle school girls, our middle school boys, and our high schoolers to talk, read scripture, pray, and even play games together using Zoom. She checks in with our families with children at home on a regular basis, offering pastoral care and extra time for any of our young people who are experiencing the anxiety of the loss of routine, structure, and missing time with their friends.

Jason has been busy finding music for Sunday Morning Prayer, offering an organ meditation time on Wednesday nights, and finding creative ways to incorporate singers in our live-streamed services, where we are limited in number of people allowed to participate. He gathers with the choir every Thursday evening using Zoom for check-ins and to stay connected as a community. He and I are learning that it takes twice as much time to prepare for an online service as it does to prepare a worship service in person on Sunday mornings.

Megan is working primarily from home. She is coming into the office briefly on Mondays to process the mail and prepare bills. She is available by email Mondays through Fridays. Please reach out to her with any questions you might have about what is going on and where to find information. The Glad Tidings email will be sent every Thursday with all the links and information to everything that is happening online.

Deacon David is on the phone. He is checking in with our members, especially the folks on our prayer list and anyone who needs someone to talk to during these anxious times. Thankfully, using the power of Zoom, you will see him be part of our worship during Holy Week. It has not been the same on Sunday mornings to stand at the altar without him.

As for me, I think I am finally getting ahead on my emails. I check in with the staff by phone regularly to keep us connected with one another. I have been working with our wardens to make sure operations continue, and I pray daily for the Holy Spirit to guide me as I try and figure out how to plan worship for Holy Week when we can’t gather in person. And I listen. I listen to your concerns, your fears, your anxieties, and I try to listen for what God is trying to tell us during these crazy times where nothing is normal, nothing is routine, and information changes daily.

I am enormously proud of the way our staff has quickly adapted to new ways of ministry, and I am enormously proud of us as a congregation. The Vestry and others are making phone calls to check in with our members, and as I watch all our members check in and support each other.

Should any directive from either the Diocese of North Carolina or local or state authorities change, we will make the necessary adjustments to keep Nativity, both its campus and its people, safe and healthy.

I know you have been praying for me, and I feel your prayers. Let’s keep praying for each other and our world.

Categories
From the Clergy

Forbearance

I’m sitting here on Thursday morning having my fourth, fifth cup of coffee… who am I kidding? I’ve drunk essentially the entire pot of coffee and its only 8:00am. I was sitting and knitting, while drinking way too much coffee, and thinking about the word “forbearance.”

It’s a great word for right now. We don’t use it often. According to Merriam Webster, the first use of forbearance came in 1576, meaning the refraining of an enforcement, especially a debt. We currently use this meaning in modern contexts, applying it to loan forgiveness or debt repayment. We will probably hear it more in those terms in the coming days.

Forbearance also means “patient self-control; restraint and tolerance.” Again, qualities that we are going to need to survive the stay-at-home instructions, quarantines, and watching the news each day.

I would like to ask your patience and forbearance as we work through moving Nativity’s worship services online. Wednesday night, we tried to live stream Evening Prayer. The sound didn’t work. It was bad. I know. I’m sorry. We’ll try something else next week. Again, forbearance as we work through this.

Our Holy Week services will be a combination of pre-recorded video and live stream video. There are positive and negatives about both options. We will do our best. Forbearance. Internet traffic is heavy these days. Zoom gives a warning when you set up a meeting that video might not work with more than three participants. Facebook suddenly has every church in the nation trying to live stream on Sunday mornings. Forbearance. My favorite meme going around right now is a picture of Tom Hanks as Forrest Gump, sitting at the bus stop, and saying, “And just like that, we were all televangelists.” Forbearance.

Zoom meetings are being routinely hacked, so we will have to increase the security of our Nativity Zoom gatherings. You might be asked for a password or registration to join the meeting when you never have before. You might get frustrated that you can only access the meeting through the Nativity weekly email, and now you can’t find that email. Forbearance. Forbearance, and some serious prayer for those people who feel the need to ruin everything good.

I ask your forbearance with your friends, your neighbors, your coworkers, the people you live with. None of us are as productive as we expect. We are not always nice. We disappoint each other on a regular basis. We are all operating under trauma, and that is going to express itself in different ways. Their ways might rub uncomfortably against your ways. Forbearance.

What I love most about using the word forbearance is the idea of debt being cancelled. What better word to consider as we enter Holy Week. This week, we will walk with Jesus to the cross, the ultimate debt repayment plan. All our sins forgiven. All our shortcomings, disappointments, and frustrations wiped cleanly away through no merit or work of our own. Simply God’s mercy at work.

So this week, may our forbearance be partnered with mercy. Mercy for each other, and mercy for ourselves. Thanks be to God.

Forbearance, my friends, forbearance.  

U2 – Love Rescue Me

Categories
Glad Tidings

A Message from the Senior Warden

If your past few weeks have been anything like mine, daily life has changed dramatically! My typically busy schedule has transitioned to long, slow days of communicating online and over the phone, all while wondering what the future will bring for my family and the world. Rushed lunch packing and last-minute dinners have given way to baking and leisurely meal preparation with my family. I have also tremendously enjoyed the many opportunities I have had to communicate with members of our church community on a personal level during these weeks. I’ve grown closer to friends and started new friendships. Sunday morning hellos and handshakes have become heartfelt phone conversations. Sharing the Lord’s Prayer with fellow parishioners over the phone or on a video call is as powerful as any spiritual experience I have ever had, in or out of church.

For many, this pandemic has brought not a welcome slower pace of life, but unprecedented health, personal, and financial crisis. Stores have closed, people have suddenly lost their jobs, and the unemployment rate has climbed to 33%. A student whose family was doing fine on Thursday reached out to me on Friday to say that circumstances had changed and they were almost out of food for the five people in their apartment. I directed him to resources and can only hope that his family was able to access them. The needs of our congregation and our greater community are deep and growing deeper. For those of us who are financially able, giving generously has never been more important than now. Although in-person church and meetings are temporarily cancelled, Nativity’s services to the congregation and community, and therefore the church’s financial needs, are not cancelled. Our church depends upon the donations of members and visitors to pay salaries, pay for our mortgage, maintain our buildings and grounds, and fund our many programs. Non-pledged regular giving and loose plate offerings make up almost 20% of our budgeted income, yet without offering plates to receive them, we risk losing these contributions.

I am asking you, if you are able, to join me in continuing your pledge contributions and regular giving. Fortunately, it has never been easier to do so! Thanks to the multi-talented Rene Garces, our Junior Warden, the church mailbox now has a lock to ensure that your mailed contributions are secure. Regular deposits continue. Our mailing address is: 8849 Ray Road, Raleigh, NC 27613. For those who wish to pay online, WeShare, Paypal, and Venmo are all now available here on the Nativity website. In about 10 minutes this morning, I was able to set up a Venmo account, download the app to my phone, link my debit card, and make my pledge contribution. It was so easy–I’ll never write a check again! If you typically toss a few bills in the collection plate on Sundays in addition to your pledge or regular giving, consider contributing a similar amount by check or via one of the online options.

Someday soon, we will be reunited to worship and praise God together. What a joyous day that will be! As we watch and wait for that eagerly anticipated reunion, let us show our faithfulness to each other by whatever means we can. Call the friend you’ve been meaning to check in with. Join one of the many Zoom calls available each week to connect with our fellow parishioners. Watch church on Facebook Live on Sundays at 10:30–it isn’t the same as the real thing, but I promise that it is very, very special. And if you are able, please continue your financial contributions to the church. Thank you all for your faith and dedication in caring for one another and the world.

In Christ,

Carrie