Author: Church of the Nativity

Stress is always present. But more so now with the COVID-19 virus and less opportunity to socialize and be with family and friends.  There is also more awareness of racial and social injustice and how that has impacted our lives in the past and presently.  There are no simple answers to these stresses, but we would like to share some thoughts and ideas about stress and the handling of stress.

Believe it or not, having some stress is important, because we are motivated and empowered to do something.  Too much stress leads to frustration and anxiety. Too little stress leads to boredom and stagnation.  Stress impacts us Physically through headaches, stomach aches, sleep issues, etc.  Cognitively, we are not able to concentrate. Emotionally, we are more easily irritated and frustrated. Another way that stress impacts us is Behaviorally. We eat or drink too much or act out our stress.  The fact is that we either control our stress or it controls us.

Couples often do not share their stresses with each other. We tend to think we should be able to resolve on our own. We are not responsible for a partner’s stress, but we can be helpful in supporting them and listening to them as they work through it.  If stress is a shared one like parenting, finances, etc. then it is best dealt with together. This process helps us become more intimate.

Enough about stress, let us share how to handle it. First, it is important to share the stresses with each other.  Use the communication skills we have shared – Using I messages and Listening. Identify the stress as your own and share with your partner. Decide what can be changed and what cannot.  Then prioritize what needs to change. 

Sometimes the sharing may lead to disagreements and conflict.  We will share more about that next time. 

Some personal stress busters:

• Take a walk, ride your bike, exercise, dance, do yoga stretches
• Deep breathing. progressive relaxation, meditation
• Sing a song, listen to relaxing music, play an instrument
• Eat healthy foods, have a cup of tea
• Take a nap, Get plenty of sleep
• Sit in the sunshine, listen to the birds, look at flowers, watch children playing
• Laugh out loud, read the funny paper
• Do something you like, read a book, watch a movie, paint, or draw a picture

Remember the Serenity prayer:   Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

For your information, here is an additional resource for couples for handling stress. We have previewed the course and know the couple who developed it. https://courses.closecompanions.org/p/managing-stress-together-online-course

Carl and Nancy Terry

Nativity is a very special community full of love and support for ALL people. Our youth are especially lucky to grow up in this environment and feel the support that comes from each of you. Many, many thanks for helping us nurture and teach them the power of faith.

The last few months have been a trying time for us all, including our young people. Events they have looked forward to have been reinvented to accommodate the necessary guidelines or in many cases cancelled altogether. Kathryn has been right in the thick of things, nimbly reinventing the children’s and youth program and finding new ways to keep their faithful bonds alive. In addition to doing a short children’s lesson every Sunday via video on Facebook, she’s held several Zoom youth groups to provide the kids an opportunity to visit with each other and have some fun.

One group that was affected more than most were our high school seniors, which prompted the first annual Adopt a Senior program. Each graduating senior enjoyed the added recognition and celebration bestowed upon them by their adoptive Nativity families. Thank you to all who participated!

We unfortunately had to cancel our summer ASP mission trip. Instead, we are volunteering with Inter-Faith Food Shuttle each week in July. HUGS (Helping Understand God through Sharing) Camp has shifted to a virtual camp taking place this month. This is a unique and powerful experience where campers with special needs are paired with one or more “helper” campers, who assist the special-needs campers with all the activities of camp life.

We also have Vacation Bible School currently in the works for later this month.

While we don’t know what the fall will hold yet, we are planning for future trips. In June 2021, our rising juniors and seniors will be going on a pilgrimage to Ireland to explore holy and unlikely places to encounter God and connect with their faith on a deeper level through mountain hikes, learning about the life of monks, and history of churches. Our middle school trip, Urban Immersion, will occur in the summer of 2022.

Thanks again for all you do to support our wonderful youth program!

• Stephanie Sumner

We will celebrate the Reverend Dr. Pauli Murray on July 1st with special live streamed service of Evening Prayer, beginning at 6:00pm with an Organ Meditation, followed by Evening Prayer at 6:15*.  These earlier times for the services will allow us to also join in the Diocescan wide livestream at 7pm.

Admittedly, I had never heard the name Pauli Murray until I became an Episcopalian.  As I learned more, I realized I was familiar with so many things for which their work provided a foundation.  Foremost, the landmark Brown v. Board of Education Supreme Court decision, but also the wider work of sit-ins, rallies, and boycotts, as they worked toward advancing civil rights legislation. This work alone is inspirational.

Even so, the more I learn about Pauli Murray, the more my admiration grows.  While being celebrated as the first African-American woman ordained a priest in the Episcopal Church, as well as being among the first women to be ordained, Murray struggled with gender identity during a time in which there was little support and even scant language to describe their experience.

As so many of our fellows still struggle today to claim their God-given human dignity, it seems that Murray is an inspiring figure for so many.  They were a feminist, a civil rights leader, and though presenting as a woman to most, a pioneer amongst LGBTQ+ individuals.

So, at a time when we strive to help our brothers and sisters proclaim that black lives really do matter, and as we rejoice at the recent US Supreme Court decision extending more civil rights protections to our LGBTQ+ siblings, it is important that we take a moment to sit in prayer, to contemplate, and to celebrate one on whose shoulders those continuing the struggle stand.

As we offer our prayers and thanksgiving, our service will feature some special guests:  The Reverend Gwen Fry will join us to read the lessons, and actor Lachlan Watson will read the biography of Pauli Murray.  I’m so pleased they can join in this special evening.  

I hope you’ll join in! 

Pax Christi,
Jeremy Clos 

*Please note that our services of Evening Prayer will continue the following week beginning at 6:30pm.

All couples experience some degree of conflict and issues of anger in their relationship. Sometimes the conflict can be resolved by listening and talking to each other, but sometimes there is an issue that seems to stand out with significant anger and pain. The process of working through the anger and pain to forgiveness can help to heal the relationship.

Anger is an automatic response to sensed threat, hurt, embarrassment, etc. If we let it fester it will decrease our intimacy and closeness. Our brains are wired so that if we do not deliberately, intentionally stop the flow, the anger will get triggered repeatedly.  “Anger doesn’t get buried dead, but alive.“ The anger may come out as criticism, belittling, ignoring, etc.

Examples of these issues:

• Forgetting an important occasion.
• Buying a costly item, such as a car, boat, or motorcycle, without talking about it.
• Making a significant life decision, such as a job, that impacts both of you without discussing.
• Saying or doing something hurtful.

Forgiveness is not forgetting, but it is intentionally letting go of the issue. It is a process that may not happen immediately and the emotions from the issue may rise again.  Forgiveness is not easy, but it is worth the effort.

The One Asking for Forgiveness: Take the time to listen to the other’s pain without interrupting. This is where our listening and talking skills come in. The one asking for forgiveness needs to admit that what they have done is wrong or the way it was done was wrong. Assure your partner that you do not want this issue to happen again. Next, say “I am sorry.” Apologize. Ask, “What can I do to make it right.” Then forgive yourself.

The One Who is Accepting Forgiveness: You must also listen, but voice your feelings, pain, and anger. Be sure they understand what you are feeling and experiencing. Let your partner know what you want in the future. Let go of your desire to punish or “get even.” Tell them what they can do to make it right. Communicate your acceptance of their apology and their request for forgiveness. 

Depending on the issue, the depth of feeling, and how long it has been going on, the forgiveness process might require the help of a trained professional. 

Suggestion:  Have a discussion with your partner about forgiveness. Open the possibility that there may be something that needs forgiveness that you are not aware of.  Listen and share with each other.    

Carl and Nancy Terry

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The team is busy working on numerous building and campus improvements while the traffic on campus is low. Members are inspecting water heaters and bathrooms, organizing storage closets, and completing small plumbing, brick, and drywall repairs in the church buildings. The campus grounds are also getting attention with new planting projects on the south bank of the parking lot and various signage repairs.

Upcoming projects include removing and replacing deteriorated exterior trim on the church.

The team will install parking lot lighting, and will work with the Safety and Security group to put in place a campus safety and security plan. Buildings and Grounds will also work with the Communications Team to add a new welcome sign at the oak island.